You could always just wash your art-handling white gloves.

Or you could instead apply your bright, trained, curious and — above all — creative mind to the question of their hidden true nature. They appear to be an inert and humble object. But what are they really?

We now have the answer, thanks to the dedicated genus/species research of Robert Bell, Mary Kirby, Pat Munson, and Rheba Adloph — Prints & Drawings volunteers, and botanical glove-ologists supreme.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the AGO Volunteer Blog is proud to present the world première of a hitherto unknown species, with botanical data and images (some featuring Mary Kirby) supplied by the P&D research team:

Panddtsuga (P&D Hemlock) or, in common parlance, Glove-Tree.

 

“Glove-Tree is a rare species,” notes the scientific literature, “that appears randomly throughout the GTA and surrounding communities and, because of its rarity, has given botanists fits. It has, at various times, been called a sculpture, a drying rack, and an abomination of all that Nature holds dear.

“It has three distinguishing characteristics:
* each blossom is approx. 6” long, with five blunt tips
* blossoms are infrequent, but always fully grown
* branches are otherwise bare & rough”

 

“In 2015 it was identified as a separate species, the hyphen in the name informing us that Glove-Tree is not a true hemlock.”

 

“Another interesting feature of Panddtsuga is the unique male/female ratio of its blossoms: females vastly outnumber males.

“One could therefore conclude that amazing adaptations have been made by the male gloves, in that they are indistinguishable from the female variety in size, colour, empathy, and talent. They are the vanguard, the very shock troops if you will, of Evolution’s next transformation: equal empowerment of all genus/species members!”

 

“Awaited in these gloves are indications of a written language, artistic creations, musical notations, invention of deities, psalms of awe at the Mysteries of the Universe, and a clean and frequent public transit system. Especially the latter.”

 

The scientific literature concludes with a stirring call for further research. Or, to quote the research team: “Please feel free to make it up.”